Stay At Home Mommy 101

What the heck do Stay At Home Moms do all day? (yes, 3 months has made me an expert!)

1. Stay in PJs until mid afternoon or 5 minutes before husband comes home
2. Forget to eat anything but chocolate or some other non-food
3. Buy way too much stuff online while baby is asleep
4. Bundle up baby in jog stroller to walk to Starbucks to get a Venti Decalf Java Chip Frappacino with no whipped cream. This is called exercise even though the Starbucks is only a 1/2 mile away and the frappacino has over 500 calories.
5. Take baby to lunch with other SAHM friends (where you compare every facet of your child with their child, making sure that your child seems better)
6. Take baby to grocery store during the weekday where you will see other SAHMs and geriatric people who move very slowly through the aisles. (The SAHMs move slowly because they are savoring their frappacinos and their one trip outside of the house all day)
7. Have crazy ideas to become a wonderful June Cleaver-type wife and make some big exciting dinner, but in the middle of preparations, baby pitches a fit causing you to abandon dinner and leave a huge mess for husband to clean up when he gets home
8. Type in ridiculous run on sentences because punctuation and grammar are just too difficult with a baby in your lap
9. Feel guilty for neglecting dog who used to be most spoiled animal on planet earth
10. Visit mommy message boards to find out all the new things you need to buy online to make your baby smarter than all the other babies that he or she will one day be in school with
11. Avoid mirrors (for obvious reasons--stretch marks, extra weight in weird places, spit-up on shirt, lack of any stylish clothes, hairstyle gone with the wind, roots growing out, etc.)
12. Call old friends and try to catch up, even though you slowly sense you're losing touch with the outside world
13. The other 23 hours are spent holding/nursing/rocking a screaming infant, who stops and smiles and coos and makes it all worthwhile!